A random and unprovoked explosion of thought

My first daughter was born in 2004. In the year following her arrival, I got my real estate license and started a floral design business along with my mother-in-law and sisters-in-law. I had this beautiful yet horribly inaccurate vision in my head of me sitting at a desk at the business working on the computer or talking on the phone while my toddler played quietly by herself with toys on the floor beside me. Why didn't someone slap me? I, being an only child with extremely limited babysitting experience under my belt, had horribly underestimated how children require constant and consistent attention. The point is, after trying to be supermom who took her child to work every day for 18 months (and after learning I was pregnant again), I decided I couldn't do it anymore. So, I began my stay-at-home mom journey full of blood, sweat, and tears.

I'll admit it. I was one of those people who would make huge and demeaning assumptions about a woman who was a "stay-at-home" mom. How hard is that? You stay at YOUR house all day, with YOUR kids, just taking care of them. Awesome! My, what a difference 4 years makes. I'm a tough person. I'm a smart person. I am a meticulous organizer, multi-tasker, time manager, and planner. And although those traits help somewhat in making things run a little smoother, for the most part it matters not. 

Before kids, I was that person who enjoyed having control over my surroundings and over my time. I could make my precious to-do lists and follow them, on a time table I liked. I could go to the grocery store on the same day every week. And always get my hair cut every 6 weeks. And always sort the mail every day. And always pay bills on certain days of the month. And always have my toenails perfectly painted. And always have my glass top table perfectly Windex-ed every day. 

Now, I'm lucky if I get my hair cut every 3 months or so and my glass top table is the greatest nemesis in my life; daily taunting me with its multitude of smudges and fingerprints and caked on pieces of macaroni. Oh, and I can't even find my to-do list. And one of the most simple luxuries I miss the most? Going to the bathroom by myself with the door closed! Wouldn't want someone to climb on the couch, fall onto the tile floor, and bust their face open while you take that selfish moment to go relieve yourself. 

See the thing about being a stay-at-home mom is that you get zero down time. You are always on. 24/7/365. Think about that for a minute. ALL the time. At 3 am when she wets the bed and needs a bath and new sheets. At 6 pm when dinner's boiling over and the phone's ringing and one girl needs a diaper change and the other INSISTS that you help her find her sippy cup right now and you have to go pee b/c you've already been putting it off for 30 minutes to meet their other demands, uh I mean needs. At 8 am when you have to be somewhere at 9 and you're trying to make them breakfast, put your makeup on, find your brush that they thought it would fun to hide from you, pack the diaper bag, find your cell phone (which they also hid), get them dressed and find that elusive "other shoe", and when you finally get everyone and everything into the car you discover your car needs gas and you forgot to brush your teeth. Seriously, I could go on and on, but I will just stop. It's stressing me out to even think about it.

And I only have 2 kids who are three years apart! Translation, I've never had more than one kid in diapers at one time. I met a woman last week who has three kids and they're all one year apart, and I'm pretty sure my face melted into an expression of awe and admiration as if I had just met a war hero. Seriously--how does she do it and still have her hair fixed and toenails painted??? Amazing...

Now, I realize how this sounds. I guess through this eruption of thought I've made my opinion of motherhood sound pretty horrible. This couldn't be further from the truth. It is absolutely the most difficult, stressful, and life changing experience of my life. But it is also the most rewarding, precious, and heart-warming experience of my life. My toddler can knock off a glass bottle of hot sauce onto the tile and make a that-takes-30-minutes-to-clean-up mess, but then she comes and gives me one of those unsolicited hugs and says "momma" and smiles with her blue eyes shining....and my whole world gets instantly sucked into the vacuum of that moment. And it is a precious reminder that life is really not about to-do lists at all. 

So, the point of the story folks is, if you have any preconceptions about what being a stay-at-home mom (or dad) means, don't. (Kudos to you, Foley.)

OH, and the next time you're in the grocery store parking lot and you see a mom loading her groceries and kids into the car, offer to go put her cart away for her. You have no idea what she just went through in that store, and I promise, you will make her day!

Bear with me!

So, I am starting a new family blog to share our chaotic experiences with those who might be interested.  

I am new to this, so bear with me as I figure out what the heck I'm doing.  More to come, very soon.

Stephanie